Mistakes & Regrets
by xStarxShinex
Summary: Paula finally comes clean about the biggest mistake she had made. 2D x Paula heartbreak. An updated version of "Truth". Rated T for language and sexual themes.


**I was reading back on old stories and read the one called "Truth". I decided that it deserved a good touching up, so I made this. If you haven't read Truth and plan on reading this, I would suggest reading it first. Though, you don't necessarily have to.**

**This is "Truth" from the point of view of Paula.**

**I also decided not to write 2D with the accent this time. I've kind of realized it's unnecessary, as we all know he has one.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gorillaz and do not claim any ownership to them whatsoever.**

* * *

Paula soundlessly lay on her side with her head propped up by her hand, patiently waiting for Stu to finally get up and quit pretending to be asleep. Did he think she was that dense? She saw every little movement he made; from the sobs to the heavy breaths, she witnessed it all. However, she decided to not push him and let her love feign sleep for as long as he needed to. It was best to give him some time, especially after what she had told him last night.

In a respectable-but-futile attempt to comfort him, Paula put her hand on his shoulder and began softly rubbing in little circles, occasionally giving little kisses here and there on his neck and shoulder. She was given an immediate reaction, but not the one she was hoping for. His body stiffened and his breathing hitched, but as she kept going, his body loosened and his breathing returned back to its previous choppiness. The young woman held back a sigh. Stu had never been this stubborn before, but this behavior was all understandable.

She didn't like the atmosphere in the room; it was too quiet and too tense – it was driving her to the point of insanity. At that point, all she wanted was some kind of contact from Stuart; a look, an utter, a glower – anything. Her wish was not granted; Stu kept silent.

Last night, she had done the thing she swore to herself she would never do: she told the truth.

* * *

**_Flashback_**

* * *

_ "Uh... Stu," Paula meekly whispered, breaking the comfortable silence that was once upon them. Her head was resting on his scrawny chest, hearing every slow beat of his heart, and their fingers were lightly entwined as they laid down together. She saw a content smile on his face and felt her stomach drop; she knew that smile would soon be gone._

_ "Yes, love?" he sang out, humming a light tune but not looking down at her. That smile was still as big and happy as ever._

_ Goodness, his voice was immaculate. She loved hearing him sing, even when it was simple words or just effortless humming. His singing voice always gave her a strong sense of serenity. But his tranquil voice was going to turn to angry sobs soon._

_ "We can tell each other anything… right?" Paula timidly questioned. The grip on her hand slightly tightened. _

_ "Of course, my love. The key to any good relationship is honesty and trust, yeah?" Stuart responded, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on top of her head, "Is there something you want to tell me?"_

_ "S-Sort of," Paula sighed, "but at the same time I don't want to tell you."_

_ "Why not?"_

_ "Because… I don't want to hurt you."_

_ She heard his heartbeat pick up drastically in pace._

_ "Paula, I'd rather be hurt by the truth than be happy from a lie," Stu told her in the most serious voice she could ever recall him using._

_ There was no way out of it now. She had to tell him._

_ "O… Okay. This isn't easy to say, Stuart, but you deserve to know," Paula slowly began, dragging it out as much as she could, "I… I…"_

_ "I cheated on you with Murdoc!" Paula finally blurted out. For a solid minute, it was chillingly quiet. No movements, no words – nothing. She swore that his heartbeat could no longer be heard._

_ "Wh…What?" Stu finally stuttered, wearing that look of abject horror she feared so gravely he would give her once she told him. He pushed her away and looked at her with his blackened eyes wide and hopelessly confused. _

_ Should she just lie and say it was a joke, defending herself by saying she wanted to see how he would react? No, she needed to get this off of her chest; he deserved to know. _

_ "Y-Yes, Stu. I'm ... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I promise. It just… happened," Paula whispered in shame, looking up at him with her mahogany eyes desperately pleading. She was praying that by some chance he would understand and not make a big deal out of it, but no such luck came – he scooted all the way to the other side of the bed with an expression of utter repulsion written on his face. _

_ "You… You cheated on me. You cheated on me – with Murdoc, of all people!" Stu spat, scowling deeply at her as tears streamed down his cheeks. He started sniffling and sobbing but his face still held severe hurt and betrayal. _

_ "I told you – it just happened! It wasn't planned or anything, damn it!" Paula lashed back in her own pathetic defense, feeling tears already dwell in her eyes. She was angry at his outburst, but knew that she had no right to be. He was the only one allowed to feel fury at the moment. Taking this into consideration, she reached her hand up and put it on his face, soothingly rubbing her thumb against his soft cheek, "Stuart, please…"_

_ Instead of allowing her effort at consoling him, Stu seized her wrist and removed it from his face, then calmly put it down in her lap. His sudden composure was making her uneasy. Without any emotion present, he demanded, "Tell me exactly what happened – everything – and don't you _dare _lie to me."_

_Paula had been hoping he would have just let it be, but things could never be that easy. She really didn't want to explain – it hurt her just to think back to it – but Stu needed to know. She sighed loudly and ran her fingers through her greasy brown hair before speaking, "It was a few months ago… You and Russ had gone to bed, but Murdoc and I were still in the recording studio."_

_"At first, it was nothing but fighting. You know how I can't stand that bloody man. It was either about what lyrics you were going to sing, how I'd play my guitar, how he'd play his bass – at one point we even started arguing about what Russel should wear," she sadly chuckled, but the humor was short-lived as the smile dropped from her face and she continued, "Our argument was getting really heated; I had my hands on the collar of his shirt and his disgusting face directly in front of mine while he had his hands tightly on my necktie, nearly choking me…."_

_ She heard Stu gulp. It was quite obvious where this was leading to._

_"Then our lips just …collided. Neither of us had meant to do it, but it happened. I was so angry at him, so frustrated that I … I wrapped my arms around his neck and forcefully pressed my lips against his. He happily obliged and wrapped his arms around my waist. Then… then…" she looked away in remorse and pursed her full lips together, unable to tell any further of her nauseating affair. She was getting sick with herself just thinking about it. _

_When no response was given, Paula decided to try and defend herself in some way by saying, "I swear to God it meant nothing, Stu! It was just pent-up sexual frustration. I didn't mean for it to happen…" her voice gradually got quieter and quieter until she stopped speaking. She wanted to touch him, to comfort him in some way, but she knew there was nothing she could. She had royally screwed up and ruined her relationship with the first man she ever truly had any genuine feelings for. To her surprise, he whipped his head back at her and gave one of the nastiest, most terrifying looks she had ever seen on the face of such a sweet, innocent young man. _

_"But you did it, didn't you? It did happen; you can't deny that!" Stuart snapped back so boldly it threw Paula aback. Where had this sudden burst of confidence come from? Stu had always been such a push-over; he let anybody and everybody walk all over him and never said anything for fear of getting hurt – physically or verbally – yet here he was, finally sticking up for himself. She was happy for him, but also upset that he had decided to use his new-found confidence against her. She began sputtering incoherent words that didn't go together in a proper sentence, but he took no time to try and hear her out; instead he continued on by saying, "I bet you liked it too, huh? He was better shag than me, wasn't he? I just wasn't **good** enough for you, so you had to go to _him_, of all people. "_

_"Shut up; that's not true!" she wailed in response, tears of humiliation streaming down her cheeks. How dare he say such a thing so … so true? However, she didn't want her moment of weakness to show so she threateningly snarled her buckteeth at him to make it clear she wasn't going to let him knock her down, but she could tell he wasn't intimidated by it like usual._

_"Oh, yes it is. How can you say it's not? What other reason would you have to be fucking that filthy, repulsive man?" he lowly asked her, boring his fractured eyes into hers. Looking into those permanently disfigured eyes made her feel even guiltier than before. She cheated on him with that man that did that to his handsome face; the one that destroyed the happy life he once had. She never wanted to make his life worse; she had only wanted to make it better. So … why did she do what she did?_

_Paula didn't know what to say. She was truly at a loss for words; utterly sinking realization finally dawned upon her: he was right – right about everything. She _did_ enjoy the sex she had with Murdoc; she _did_ feel that Stu wasn't good enough. She wanted somebody else in the spur of the moment, but that didn't mean she didn't regret it now; no matter how good of a lay Murdoc was, she would take it all back just so she could stay with Stu. She loved Stuart more than anything and now it was all going to be taken away by a foolish mistake she made. _

_It seemed that Stu was also at a loss for words because he kept alarmingly quiet with his eyes shut, silently shaking with sobs. She saw his lips move, but her ears couldn't make out any words._

_"Come again?" _

_"I said," Stuart started, his whisper gradually turning into a yell, "Why'd you have to tell me this now? Why, after the wonderful night we had, would you decide to drop a bombshell like this?! At least answer me that, Paula!"_

_"Because … I just couldn't keep it in any longer. You were so happy and I felt so guilty 'cause you shouldn't be with somebody as terrible as I am. I had to tell you," Paula sighed, glancing at him with eyes that implored for clemency, "Please, Stu… please forgive me."_

_Stu didn't show any mercy. He stayed absolutely silent as he turned off the lamp and laid down with his entire back facing her. _

_Paula bit back her tears and sighed to herself. There was no reason in further pursuing the subject; Stuart made it more than obvious he didn't want to talk to her anymore. With that in mind, she wiped away her tears and laid the opposite way of him._

* * *

**_End Flashback_**

* * *

After another twenty minutes passed and it was obvious his foolish charade clearly wasn't working, Stu finally decided to give up the act. He did a poor job at pretending to stir and sat up on the edge of the bed, his back still facing her.

Paula controlled the urge to groan loudly in annoyance. He was _still _going to act like this with her? You'd think after a goodnight's sleep he'd at least be a bit more mature about it, but no, he was still going to act like a little brat. No matter, though. If he wanted to be a baby about it, then fine; she was going to have to be the mature one, like always.

"Good morning, love. Did ... did you sleep well?" Paula kindly but awkwardly asked him, ghosting her hand over his. However, he abruptly snatched it away and grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lighter off the nightstand, then took a cig out and put it in between his lips.

Instead of going outside or away from her, Stu lit up the lighter and put the flame to the end of his cig, taking a large hit from it and slowly blowing the fumes out from his thin lips. In a minute or two the room was filled with the smell of smoke, but neither seemed to mind it considering they were both heavy smokers.

"Paula," Stu began, taking another deep inhale from his cigarette and puffing out the smoke. Paula looked up at him innocently and blinked, waiting for him to go on. He gave her a weak smile and chuckled, "I never expected a lot from you, you know. It's your life and I have no right to control it. All I ever wanted was your love and loyalty. But, now I realize I want something else, too."

"What are you talking about, darling?" Paula questioned with her eyebrow raised, moving closer to him out of curiosity.

"Paula, why didn't you tell me the truth?" Stu bluntly asked, avoiding to make eye contact with her.

"Stu, what are you talking about?" Paula fiercely retorted, sitting up with her fists clenched, "I told you the full truth last night. How dare you say I didn't?!" Really, the nerve of that man!

"That's not what I meant," Stu replied with a humorless chuckle. He turned around and locked his vacant eyes with her dark hues. His face was apathetic yet powerful enough to give her visible tremors, but what truly made her shake was the intense mixture of emotions his eyes held at the moment: hatred, confusion, betrayal, hurt, rage, and the strongest of all, love. The next words that came out of his mouth had her speechless and gaping like an idiot.

"I meant when you said you loved me."

_But Stu, I never lied once about that._


End file.
